Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
He kissed a someone with a penis
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
