No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
