So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
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