If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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