Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
