2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
