So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
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