I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize