she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
