I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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