Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize