in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Sext me about skeletons
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize