i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I smell like Dick and happiness
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