i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
