i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
