Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
