I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
