So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
