Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
