I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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