I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
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