just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
sex in a hospital.. check
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
