I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
