I like my sex mixed with concussions.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
