when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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