Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
