i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
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