my sisters under your porch take her home
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
