I just threw up on my dentist
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
