theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize