when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
