i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
