your thong is hanging out like whoa
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Four minutes until I can fart!
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
