Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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