Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
