True but thats because hes a fetus.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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