Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Mom said you looked used
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
