I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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