He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
