in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
this hospital has no fireball
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
