It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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