My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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