Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
