Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
