and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
my liver is dry heaving
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize