a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I am one with the molecules
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
