we were pretty classy up until the second keg
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
