so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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