Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
