stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
