its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
