honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
