so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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