To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
