i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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