he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
