so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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