At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
