Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
