she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
