I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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