you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
