This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
