Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
