someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
