Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
