I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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