I want to walk on stilts...naked
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize