So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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